Professional wrestlers The Big Show and Erick Rowan announced today that, due to general lethargy from the “winter blahs,” they have changed their scheduled “Stairs Match” at Sunday’s WWE pay-per-view to an “Escalator Match.”
The showdown — which caused the name of Sunday’s event to be amended to “TLC: Tables, Ladders Chairs…and Stairs” — was a peculiar, Russo-esque addition to the annual event, about which fan excitement was already dangerously low.
The unprecedented Stairs Match would presumably have involved the two lumbering behemoths clobbering each other with ringside steps, which would likely have turned out even less interesting than it sounds.
Citing depression caused by seasonal affective disorder (or S.A.D.), both wrestlers insisted today that they can’t be bothered to use the stairs, and they plan to use an escalator instead.
Though the details are sketchy, it seems Big Show will ride an “up” escalator while Rowan rides a “down” one, and they will slap each other’s chests as they pass, and then switch escalators.
Most wrestling experts believe the match will get moved to the pre-show, then become a WWE App exclusive, and then be eliminated entirely in favor of a Divas Christmas Pillow Fight.