owens austin
Kevin Owens lives his dream (and accidentally bites his tongue).

Despite being pummelled and embarrassed in front of more than 70,000 live fans and millions watching around the world, Kevin Owens had the best day ever yesterday. 

Owens received a beatdown from Stone Cold Steve Austin, his childhood hero, in the main event of the biggest wrestling event of the year, thereby living his childhood dreams in a way that most of us could never dream of.  

“Omigod omigod omigod, I’m so happy I’m literally going to pee myself,” giggled Owens backstage after receiving a Stone Cold Stunner from Austin, a signature move that Owens has emulated in tribute to the Texas Rattlesnake. 

“Omigod,” Owens continued, reeking of the beer with which he had been doused, experiencing a transcendent sense of childhood-wish-fulfillment few of us will ever experience. “I just wrestled Steve Austin at WrestleMania, I must be dreaming, I must be dreaming, I must be dreaming, omigod, I gotta call Sami.” 

Owens, who learned to speak English by watching WWE television during Austin’s meteoric rise to fame, has reportedly not stopped smiling since being stomped a new mudhole. 

Dress funnier — get a Kayfabe News shirt

sports entertainee shirt

 

 

Leave a Comment