A landmark study published this week by the Harvard Institute for Ethnographic Sportsentertainmentology confirms a bizarre biological fact that fans of professional wrestling have suspected for decades — that Asian peoples possess the ability to defend themselves by spewing green mist.

Once believed to an ability restricted exclusively to Asian professional wrestlers, the emission of blinding green sputum is now becoming a trend among Asian business leaders, students, and even protesters clashing with police in Hong Kong.

Speaking of defensive wrestling maneuvers, a true breakthrough has been achieved by an obscure British wrestler named Simon Mueller (Mailler?). Also on tonight’s newscast, we reveal an Easter Egg you probably have never noticed. Watch, subscribe, and share:


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