Kane under ring
Kane attacks someone because whatever.

This week’s episode of Monday Night Raw will, yet again, conclude with masked demon Kane clawing his way through the mat from underneath the ring, because WWE’s head writer has lost his zeal for the job.

“So, um, Kane comes up through the mat and attacks, I dunno, a Diva or something?” the weary writer was overheard suggesting during a production meeting this afternoon.

“Oh, and the lights in the arena should all be red because, you know, Kane is, like, evil or whatever.”

Endless travel, long hours, and innumerable last-minute revisions have sapped the writer of any enthusiasm he once put into WWE storylines, leaving him reliant on tried-and-true gimmicks like the monster-from-hell-coming-up-through-the-ring schtick.

The same writer also recently came up with The League of Nations, “because they’re, like, not American and stuff,” he said.

He hasn’t yet scripted the opening segment of the show, but figures he’ll just give Stephanie McMahon a microphone and see what happens.


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