kurt angle son
Braun Strowman asks Kurt Angle why he never played catch with him as a kid.

Following the revelation that Jason Jordan is sidelined with a neck injury, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced this morning that “The Monster Among Men” Braun Strowman will take over the role of Kurt Angle’s long-lost son.

“If you thought the father-son pairing of Kurt Angle and Jason Jordon was a zany twist, wait until you see the madcap adventures of Papa Kurt and Baby Braun!” reads a press release.

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“Dysfunctional family? Oh it’s true!©”

Angle, the general manager of WWE’s flagship program, Monday Night Raw, shocked audiences when he revealed last year that a long-ago one-night-stand resulted in the birth of Jordan, with whom he tearfully reunited in the ring.

This coming Monday, Raw guest host Maury Povich will reveal that, due to a mixed-up paternity test, Angle is not the father of Jordan, and that Strowman was born nine months after Angle had a casual fling with a female sasquatch.

Povich will further reveal the identity of Jordan’s real father, a mysterious man who had a casual fling in 1988 with Jordan’s mother — a woman identified as K. Vick.