According to study published this week in the Harvard Review of Ethno-Cultural Studies, the average jive soul bro is thrice as likely to lie to his friends as a typical humanoid.
The 30-year study concluded that, due to their dishonesty, jive soul bros also tend to get nothing in the end, said lead author Prof. Kenneth Johnson.
One jive soul bro examined in the study, who wished to be identified only as “Slick,” admitted to his chronic duplicity: “Well, I met this lady and I told her quite a story — said I’d love her for evermore. Trouble is, I tell the same old story to every girl that walks through the door.”
Jive soul bros represent an oft-overlooked segment of society who pride themselves on having style — sometimes even claiming to have earned doctorates in style — but frequently end up waking up alone.
“If you only knew,” said another jive soul bro — a self-described “young stallion” who spends his days lusting after girls in cars, wishing he could grab them cakes.
“But sometimes love,” he added, “it feels just like like piledriver.”