Jericho’s jacket sparks widespread seizures
Pediatric hospitals worldwide are reporting a rash of seizures among children, apparently sparked by the flashing lights on Chris Jericho’s ring jacket.
At least 1,200 children have been hospitalized after suffering violent, full-body muscular spasms evidently triggered by the frenetic flashing of Jericho’s gaudy attire.
“Back when Jericho wore a metallic sequined vest, we heard periodic reports of seizures, but nothing of this magnitude,” said Dr. Gurdeep Singh, chief surgeon of Manhattan Pediatric Hospital.
“That battery-powered monstrosity Jericho wears now is a threat to society.”
Not since the rash of seizures related to Japanese cartoon Pokemon has the medical community seen a problem of this severity sparked by a garish pop-culture character.
Jericho has declined to comment on the problem.
Sources close to the WWE superstar say he is planning to soon debut a new jacket that actually fires lasers directly into the eyes of audience members.