Gallagher puts self in submission hold so complex even he can’t reverse it
British professional wrestler and extraordinary gentleman Jack Gallagher got himself into what he called “a right cock-up” today when he trapped himself inexplicably in an artful hold of his own creation.
“Well bollocks,” exclaimed the pasty-skinned submission specialist. “It appears I’ve royally buggered this one!”
Gallagher inadvertently hooked himself in the “Quadruple-Underhook Foppish Dandylock Toodle-oo,” a grappling maneuver so ingeniously complicated that Gallagher himself was incapable of devising an escape.
“I must confess, I feared I may remain trapped in that predicament for a full fortnight,” said Gallagher after he was freed by a team of WWE referees with a tub of butter. “I looked a right wanker, I’m afraid.”
Gallagher says he is looking forward to this Sunday’s Royal Rumble match, during which in intends to entwine all 29 other competitors in a move called the “Dickensian Windsor Knot.”