Iron Mike Sharpe death
In Heaven, everyone jobs to Iron Mike Sharpe.

Although his win-loss record was less than stellar during his lifetime, late professional wrestler “Iron” Mike Sharpe is enjoying an impressive undefeated streak in Heaven — and it seems likely to continue for eternity.

Growling noisily as he stormed through the Pearly Gates this week, Sharpe immediately demanded a match against Andre the Giant, whom Sharpe defeated with an overhead press slam.

Millions of angels cheered and thrummed their harps joyously as referee Joey Marella raised Sharpe’s arm, which remains wrapped in a leather cast even though no one is actually injured in Heaven.

Following a luxuriously long and soapy shower, Sharpe then challenged Eddie Guerrero to an hour-long Iron Man match, which Sharpe won with an exciting buzzer-beating pinfall.

Sharpe’s streak continued from there, with a number of long-overdue victories:

  • Sharpe defeated both George Hackenschmidt and Frank Gotch in a three-way dance
  • Sharpe and tag partner Roddy Piper defeated Dusty Rhodes and Road Warrior Hawk in what heavenly commentator Ed Whalen described as a “ring-a-ding-dong dandy”
  • Sharpe and S.D. “Special Delivery” Jones battled to a 45-minute time-limit draw, which both deemed quite satisfying

Sharpe’s undefeated streak has reportedly impressed the heavenly booker, God, whose own win-loss record is a paltry 0-1 after losing to the McMahons in 2006.