The mysterious “worker” who appeared under a “hood” during a recent show by an “indy fed” was “obviously Phil Brooks,” according to an annoying turd too pretentious to just say “it was CM Punk in a mask.”

The aggravating know-it-all, Todd McKinney of Tallahassee, is a self-described “smark” who spends most of his waking hours littering online wrestling forums with terms like “shoot” and “puroresu” and “hot tag” and all manner of other insider wrestling slang.

After a masked CM Punk made a brief incognito at a recent independent wrestling show, McKinney claimed — without a shred of evidence — that Punk had “legit heat” (animosity) with “the boys” (fellow wrestlers) for being “salty” (in a foul or angry mood) in “gorilla” (the backstage position just behind entrance curtain).

McKinney is reportedly extremely aggravating to sit beside at live wrestling shows, because he shouts out phrases like “rest hold” and “blade job” whenever he sees such “spots.”

Friends of McKinney say he might be less annoying if he had a girlfriend, but so far he has been unable to find what he refers to as a “ring rat.”