Republican lawmakers in the Trump administration are pushing this week for tighter restrictions on immigration by foreign jobbers, arguing that the migrants lose matches that American jobbers should be losing.
“Back when America was great, you had proud, hard-working, match-losing American jobbers like Barry Horowitz and The Brooklyn Brawler, said WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump at a recent rally in Tallahassee.
“Now there are so many jobbers, ham-and-eggers and jabronis flooding into America illegally, our own American jobbers can’t get a job doing the job.”
Trump devotees at the Tallahassee rally then somehow mustered enough collective brain cells to chant: “They took our jobs!”
Trump cited examples of job-stealing foreign jobbers including Irish curtain-jerker Finn Balor and No Way Jose, whom Trump described as “a Mexican” even though Jose is from the Dominican Republic.
Trump warned that a caravan of migrant jobbers — nicknamed “The Job Squad” by right-wing media outlets — could reach the US border in time for Tribute to the Troops. This would be a “disaster,” Trump said, because the foreign jobbers will accept minimum wage to do jobs, making such cheap labor more affordable to WWE than Zack Ryder, R-Truth, or even Fandango.
Trump did concede that “not all foreign jobbers are bad people” — citing his fondness for Canada’s “Iron” Mike Sharpe and Africa’s Saba Simba — but also authorized the US military to keep invaders at bay by using, if necessary, “full squashing.”