The never-ending retreat of Hulk Hogan’s hairline reached a new milestone today when it crept all the way down his back and eventually reached his waistline.
Fans of professional wrestling and terrible movies who have followed Hogan’s three-decade career have watched Hogan’s hairline steadily backtrack like a glacier melted by global warming.
The onset of male pattern baldness was evident when Hogan first won the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) Championship in the early 1980s, and his blond hair has become progressively more sparse every day since.
During Hogan’s last stint performing in Total Non-Stop Action (TNA) Wrestling, it was estimated that only 513 active hair follicles remained on his head, the vast majority of them in his trademark fu manchu moustache.
Sources confirm that, as of this week, only 17 wispy strands of bleach-blond hair sprout from the leathery orange skin at the small of Hogan’s back.
Hogan has been powerless to stop the onslaught of baldness, despite a steady regimen of prayer, vitamins, and Rogaine.