treason summit
Hulk Hogan (left) squandered an opportunity to call out Nikolai Volkoff on his illegal behavior.

WWE Hall of Famer and so-called “real American” Hulk Hogan is under harsh criticism today for his failure to confront Russian sports-entertainer Nikolai Volkoff about unlawful behaviour during a flag match at a Saturday Night’s Main Event in 1985.

“Well let me tell you something, brother,” Hogan said during a summit this morning in Helsinki, “mistakes were made on both sides, dude.”

Although he claims to “fight for the rights of every man,” Hogan seems to be sympathizing with Volkoff, despite indisputable evidence that Volkoff used Hogan’s own shirt to illegally choke him behind the referee’s back.

Although Hogan won the 1985 flag match, it seems increasingly plausible that he did so thanks to collusion from Volkoff, and an mysterious Iranian co-conspirator in curly-toed boots.

Many sports-entertainment pundits believed today’s summit in Helsinki would provide an opportunity for Hogan to finally confront Volkoff about the illegal meddling, but Hogan and Volkoff spent most of their time watching Thunder in Paradise, which premiered this week on Russian television.

Hogan’s apparent confederacy with Volkoff has led some left-wing critics to call for his impeachment from the WWE Hall of Fame, even though he was just reinstated to the Hall of Fame two days ago. More moderate commentators, however, say impeachment is unnecessary, since the WWE Hall of Fame is imaginary anyway.