In order to ensure prevent further wilting and decomposition before their big 10-man tag-team embarrassment showdown at Crown Jewel in [REDACTED], wrestling legends Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair have been cryogenically frozen in carbonite.

Hogan, 77, and Flair, 83, were two of the sport’s most popular stars between the world wars, and your grandparents likely remember gathering around the family radio to listen to their bouts.

hogan flair crown jewel
Hulk Hogan (left) and Ric Flair are currently in cold storage in Vince McMahon’s underground lair.

The freezing process, conducted in the basement laboratory of Vince McMahon’s Connecticut castle, will keep the grapplers relatively fresh until they can thaw under the hot Middle Eastern sun.

The event will see Team Hogan (Hogan, Seth T. Rollins, Rusev, Rick O’Shea, Vacant, and Hillbilly Jim) do battle against Team Flair (Randy Orton, Sasha Baron Corbin, Shinsuke Nakamura, Bobby Lashley and Paul Roma).

After thawing and performing, Hogan and Flair will each be paid just shy of 17 quintillion dollars apiece, and sent home with 5,000 barrels of crude oil to use as they see fit.

According to unsubstantiated rumors, McMahon is also feverishly working in his lab to appease a request to re-animate Andre the Giant for the event.

Leave a Comment