Paul Heyman, the advocate of Brock Lesnar and early adopter of cellphones, has been sent back to World Wrestling Entertainment’s so-called “developmental system” to learn how to deliver a compelling promo.
“Heyman’s mic work is mediocre at best,” said WWE executive Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
“When it comes to working the stick [pretentious wrestling slang for microphone], he’s a C-minus player.”
Heyman will now work as a backstage interviewer at the NXT promotion in Florida, where he and fellow rookies learn to perform with the charisma required to get “over” with WWE fans.
“I think he can learn a lot from JoJo,” said Helmsley.
Heyman has always been bashful about public speaking, and was known to shy away from addressing fans or wrestlers when he operated a small regional promotion called Eastern Championship Wrestling, which never made waves in the wrestling business.
“He’ll do fine if he just gains some confidence and comes out of his shell a bit,” said Helmsley. “Maybe someday he’ll be able to command a microphone as well as, say, Roman Reigns or Nikki Bella.”
In the meantime, Brock Lesnar will be required to deliver his own promos, which are expected to be a sequence of loud pterodactyl shrieks.