Fans of professional sports-entertainment are rejoicing today after Timmy Giller of Minneapolis used his Make-A-Wish opportunity to have the unpopular Baron Corbin replaced by John Cena as the opponent for Kurt Angle’s farewell match at WrestleMania.
“Bawon Cohbin is tewwible,” six-year-old Timmy said with an adorable grin. “Bawon, you jabwoni, youw fiwed!”
Due to WWE’s longstanding rule to always grant Make-A-Wish requests no matter how grandiose, the company informed Corbin that he will instead compete in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal — and, as requested by Timmy, he will be eliminated by Colin Jost at the 20-second mark.
Timmy’s wish request also mandates that Cena and Angle will main-event WrestleMania, relegating the three-way women’s match to the pre-show because, as Timmy says, “girls are gwoss.”
Timmy said it makes “no fweaking sense” for Angle’s last match to be against Corbin, but says Cena is the ideal opponent “from a cweative and monetawy standpoint.”
Perhaps most remarkably, it was discovered today that Timmy’s wish was granted due to a paperwork mix-up, and he is a perfectly healthy young boy who just happens to “hate wazy booking.”