After a shocking betrayal of his loyal fanbase and the adoption of a self-righteous attitude, professional sports-entertainer Daniel Bryan (real name Ryan Danielberg) has upped the ante again by abandoning his vegan lifestyle with a completely carnivorous diet.
“You know what? Screw animals,” mumbled Bryan, his beard glistening with the grease from a bacon-wrapped meatloaf sandwich. “What have animals ever done for me?”
It seems Bryan has eschewed all of the healthiest facets of his prior lifestyle, and has taken up alcohol, cigarettes and littering, as well as traded in his hybrid vehicle for a Hummer.
A drunken Bryan was reportedly ejected from a Manhattan steakhouse last night after slurring to waiters that his steak was “not rare enough,” and that his ninth martini of the night was “way too dry.”
It seems Bryan will stop at nothing to assert his aggressive new attitude; just today, for example, he packed peanuts in his work lunch, even though coworkers Curt Hawkins and Rezar have severe peanut allergies.
Bryan was most recently seen wearing a red MAGA hat and insisting that vaccines cause liberalism.