In a piece of news that we swear to God is not satire, former WWE Superstar The Great Khali has vowed to open a wrestling school in his native India.

Cross our hearts and hope to die, Kayfabe News is reporting the truth here: Great Khali was quoted recently in the Hindustan Times saying he aims to train wrestlers in Dehradun, the capital city of the Uttarakhand province in northern India.

“Grashchcauch dragghh frauwrrr, garg-garg brawugh,” said the seven-foot giant, which reportedly translates to: “I wish to pass along my knowledge of technical wrestling and high-flying to the next generation of Indian grapplers.”

To anyone who saw the teetering, stilt-legged colossus lurch clumsily through a WWE match, this truth is stranger and funnier than fiction.

The editorial team at Kayfabe News acknowledges that the phrase “Great Khali to open wrestling school” sounds like a perfect headline for its front page, but insists that it is not our creation.

However, we look forward to writing the even-more-implausible headline: “Wrestler trained by Khali signed to WWE.”