In keeping with a McMahon family tradition, a plump Gobbledy Gooker was ritualistically slaughtered today in preparation for a Thanksgiving feast.
Family patriarch and sports entertainment impresario Vince McMahon gathered wife Linda and their two grown offspring, Shane and Stephanie, around a gothic altar in the basement of the family’s Connecticut mansion.
A Gobbledy Gooker — a large, colorful, flightless subspecies of poultry with strangely human-like traits — was then positioned on the altar, its head secured on a wooden chopping block.
The family then uttered in unison a traditional incantation: “Hatched at Survivor Series 1990, hatcheted tonight, for the greater good, we give thanks.”
Vince McMahon then swung a ceremonial sword (once belonging to The Berzerker) and beheaded the strange fowl, which then ran in circles for several moments to “sell” the fatal blow.
The McMahon family then plucked, stuffed, broiled and basted the bird as a way of giving thanks that the Gobbledy Gooker did not appear at this year’s Survivor Series.