WWE Chairman Vince McMahon unveils the much simpler WWE Hotline.

After being plagued with crashes, slow downloads and disrupted video streaming, the WWE Network has been cancelled in order to launch a much simpler WWE Hotline.

World Wrestling Entertainment announced today that the online video-streaming service will be replaced by 1-900-CALL-WWE, a hotline via which fans can listen to pre-recorded messages from their favorite wrestlers.

“The new WWE Hotline will give fans all the interactivity and excitement they were expecting from the WWE Network, but without all the buggy glitches,” said company chairman Vince McMahon in a press release.

“Tomorrow’s launch of the WWE Hotline will go much more smoothly, we promise.”

For $4.99 per minute, callers to the WWE Hotline will be treated to a number of “exclusive” recordings, including:

  • Damien Sandow delivering Shakespearean soliloquys
  • The Great Khali struggling to describe a sunset in English
  • Triple H saying the phrase “this business” ad infinitum
  • WWE legend Dusty Rhodes attempting to recite tongue-twisters

According to commentator Michael Cole, the new WWE Hotline will be “revolutionary.”