Cena wrestlemania opponent
John Cena checks his Myspace contacts for potential WrestleMania opponents.

Having deemed a WrestleMania match against The Undertaker “impossible,” free-agent sports-entertainer John Cena is seeking a WrestleMania opponent tonight on SmackDown, then trying Craigslist, Tinder, and a small “Help Wanted” ad in his local newspaper.

Once an unstoppable winning machine and WrestleMania mainstay, Cena has seemingly lost his mojo lately, losing at the Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, Elimination Chamber, and a slew of non-televised house show matches against Curt Hawkins.

Although he has been responsible for some of the biggest WrestleMania moments of the past decade — his marriage proposal to Nikki Bella, of course, topping them all for hardcore wrestling fans — Cena finds himself desperately seeking someone to compete against at the pay-per-view spectacular this year.

This morning he posted on Craigslist:

Pro wrestler and former rapper seeking opponent for big match.Good pay! My first choice apparently retired? (WTF? lol). Opponent must be comfortable tussling with shirtless muscleman in jorts. Previous wrestling experience an asset. Plz respond soon — slim pickings at SmackDown. Email [email protected]

If he is unable to find an opponent via SmackDown or personal ads, Cena believes he can convince The Rock to do a “Once in a Lifetime” match.