Trump putin
Vladimir Putin (left) has vowed to unleash more Russian Legsweeps if the clown on the right keeps overcompensating for his tiny penis with bombs.

After US President Donald Trump demonstrated his willingness to use deadly force in places he can almost find on a map, the Kremlin has responded with a massive Russian leg sweep.

Described colloquially as “the mother of all leg sweeps,” the attack on Afghanistan was intended to destabilize insurgents who are believed to be hiding Muhammad Hassan

Escalating geopolitical tensions are causing fears of looming war, and more regions are joining the sabre-rattling: 

  • Ireland is threatening to “whip” immigrants out of the country
  • Canada’s Navy dispatched its sole Destroyer to Persian Gulf
  • Mongolia’s foreign minister said Chinese incursions will met with a chop
  • Arabian countries have warned that military action will be met with facebusters
  • Poland has vowed to hammer nationalist uprisings
  • The European Union is willing to defend its countries with uppercuts
  • Samoa has launched economic sanctions with trade partners, warning that export prices will spike before they drop

As leader of the free world, US President Donald Trump has responded to these escalating tensions by playing a nice round of golf.