First Man Standing
CM Punk failed to win a First Man Standing match, remaining cross-legged for too long.

A poorly conceived “First Man Standing” ended almost immediately after it began Saturday, leaving wrestling fans confused and unsatisfied.

The match, which pitted Daniel Bryan against rival CM Punk, was over mere moments after the opening bell, as Bryan quickly sprung to his feet.

Punk, who had been sitting cross-legged in the middle of the ring — a favorite position of his — was slower to rise, thus losing the match.

According to the ringside timekeeper, the entire match lasted 1.8 seconds from bell to bell. Fans booed as Bryan’s hand was raised in victory, chanting “We want re-funds (clap-clap-clapclapclap).”

WWE later issued a statement admitting that “the First Man Standing match seemed like a good idea at the time, but we clearly didn’t think it through.”

The match was reportedly the idea of a new member of WWE’s Creative Team, who, remarkably, wanted to try something creative.

The statement continued: “We assumed that because Last Man Standing matches are always exciting, a First Man Standing match would naturally be a winner too. Apparently not. Our bad.”