Among the great triumphs in the proud history of feminism — such as women earning the right to vote and getting equal opportunity to education — perhaps the most important is the creation of WWE Evolution, a pay-per-view featuring an all-female group of scantily clad sports-entertainers play-fighting for a mostly male audience of hooting imbeciles.
The lineage of great advocates for women’s rights, with pioneering crusaders like Gloria Steinem and Simone De Beauvoir, will be carried into the future by the likes of Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch, whose taut, tanned bodies in bikinis adorn posters in the bedrooms of adolescent boys worldwide.
“This is truly a historic moment in women’s wrestling,” said WWE heiress Stephanie McMahon, her silicone-enhanced bosom swelling with pride.
“We have finally achieved true equality, and proven that women can perform a cartoonish charade of simulated violence while wearing almost nothing just as ridiculously as men can.”
The Evolution event will such trailblazing women as renowned hugger Bayley, buxom brunette Nikki Bella, and returning legend Trish Stratus, who led the way for the “women’s revolution” by, among other things, pleasing her boss by stripping down to her bra and panties and crawling on all fours while barking like a dog.
WWE is truly a beacon of progressive equality and women’s rights (except for next week’s Crown Jewel event, where women will not be welcome).