In the nearly two decades since the passing of professional wrestler “Ravishing” Rick Rude, slovenly men everywhere have been tragically deprived of any visual example of what a real man looks like.
During his WWE heyday, Rude travelled the world to altruistically demonstrate his sexy manliness to lesser beings, but an entire generation of revolting slobs have no idea how a true man should gyrate his hips in silkscreened tights.
Among the millions of overweight men who have no idea what a real man looks like:
- Detroit dirtbags
- Sarasota slimeballs
- Canadian crudbuckets
- Potbellied Portlanders
- Misshapen Mississippians
- Appalling Alaskans
- Not-much-to-look-at Nebraskans
In order to help hideous hogpeople everywhere understand how repellant they are, WWE has reportedly asked Bobby Roode to remove his robe in an even slower and more patronizing manner.