After weeks in seclusion, elusive wrestler CM Punk thrilled passersby when he briefly emerged from the inky depths of Loch Ness in the Scottish highlands.
A busload of tourists visiting Urqhardt Castle watched as the popular but cantankerous wrestler’s head, neck and partial torso breached the surface of the loch.
“Aye, ’twas an unusual beast,” said Adrian Dinsdale, who has spent countless hours watching the loch in hopes of catching a rare glimpse of “Punkie,” as the creature has become known.
“I’d estimate the creature was six roughly feet long, its skin covered in a strange jumble of symbols.”
Some witnesses insist the creature was close enough to shore that they could hear it emit a haunting howl that sounded vaguely like “slobbering thyme.”
Many skeptics and debunkers have cast doubt on Punkie’s very existence — some insist he is merely a figment of folklore whose name wrestling fans enjoy chanting because it’s only three syllables — but the recent mass sighting confirms the creature is real.
A vacationing surgeon who snapped a photo of the creature (above) insisted that Punkie had a smarmy scowl on its face and “sunk back into the loch’s murky depths exuding an air of self-righteous martyrdom.”
In related cryptozoology news, sasquatch trackers in the American northwest confirmed yesterday the sighting of a rare Giant Gonzales, previously believed to be extinct.