Elon Musk, the enigmatic gazillionaire entrepreneur and investor, has reportedly purchased Twitter as part of his long-term strategy to finally acquire the undisputed king of all social-media platforms, TOUT. 

As fans of professional sports-entertainment have known for years, the best way to share a message online is to “TOUT it out“®, and Musk reportedly wants a big piece of the TOUT action. 

TOUT is the coolest, most radical way to share brief video messages on the internet machine, with groundbreakingly long 15-second videos made up of at least 100 pixels each. 

“Elon is obsessed with owning TOUT,” said one behind-the-scenes source, who asked to be identified only as Shane. “When you control TOUT, you control everything.” 

Musk is reportedly planning to over $74.3 quintillion to purchase TOUT, as well as full ownership of ICO PRO.