Phil Robertson, the redneck waterfowl baron recently suspended from TV show Duck Dynasty after publicly making homophobic and racist remarks, has been disowned by fellow inbred hillbillies the Wyatt Family.
Robertson was deemed “too bizarre and backwoods” to remain an honorary member of the family, said clan spokesman and WWE superstar Bray Wyatt.
“I know people think we’re weird yokels,” said Wyatt, “but at least we’re not bible-thumping redneck homophobes who think black people were better off during segregation days. What a freak.”
Although not a blood relative of the Wyatts, Robertson was considered an honorary member of the Wyatt Family ever since rising to international fame for reasons not entirely clear.
Although the Wyatts and Robertson share many of the same favorite pastimes — drawling, beard-growing, not bathing, and occasional world-eating — Robertson’s recent controversial numbskullery has driven a wedge between the groups.
The Wyatts have even filed a legal injunction to prevent Robertson from using the catchphrase “Follow the Ducklings.”