Vince mcmahon divas
A typical on-air interaction between Vince McMahon and a WWE Diva.

World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon somehow managed to not burst out laughing when he said during a press conference today that the company’s roster of females wrestlers (or “Divas”) are positive role models for young girls.

“WWE Divas are smart, assertive, and powerful,” said McMahon, referring to the surgically enhanced bimbos who dress in skimpy spandex outfits and pull one another’s hair for the amusement of a predominantly male audience.

“Divas represent female strength and empowerment,” he added, miraculously withholding a smirk, “to which all young women should aspire.”

McMahon provided several examples of such role models, including legendary Divas Trish Stratus and Lita, who, respectively, barked like a subservient dog to appease her patriarchal boss, and engaged in a live sex act on national television.

The press conference was held to announce the upcoming third season of Total Divas, which McMahon straight-facedly described as “a look behind the scenes at the inspiring stories of the most powerful women in sports entertainment.”

For a moment, it looked as if McMahon might lose it when he described Total Divas as “captivating, real-life drama,” but he somehow maintained his composure.