In the midst of catastrophic financial collapse, the economy of Greece has been saved thanks to the philanthropy of former professional wrestler “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase.
All seemed lost for the bankrupted Greek government until DiBiase dispatched his muscular manservant, Virgil, to the country with dozens of briefcases stuffed with cash.
The country is expected to make a full economic recovery, and every citizen will receive a replica Million Dollar Belt as a reminder of DiBiase’s support.
The donation wasn’t entirely altruistic, however, as DiBiase forced Greek president Prokopis Pavlopoulos to dribble a basketball 20 times before the money was handed over.
The ever-nefarious DiBiase looked as if he might kick the ball away on the 19th dribble, but opted against it because he has been promised a lifetime supply of feta cheese in return for his generosity.
Said DiBiase: “Everbody’s got a price… and mine is salty, delicious feta.”
DiBiase then burst into cackling laughter, rubbed his hands together, and ordered Virgil to take him to the Greek isle of Santorini, which he then purchased for 75 dollars.