barbed wire deathmatch
"Razor" Blade Burns (a.k.a. Kevin McCreary) poses with his barbed wire bat, which he prays his mom doesn't find.

Violent deathmatch wrestler “Razor” Blade Burns — known for brutal and gory matches involving broken glass, thumbtacks and other painful weapons — really hopes his mom doesn’t find the barbed wire bat hidden under his bed.

“She doesn’t know I wrestle,” said Burns, who is actually a 22-year-old line cook at Denny’s named Kevin McCreary. “She’d be so mad, especially if she found out what deathmatch wrestling is.”

McCreary performs on deathmatch shows most weekends, and has developed a loyal following of toothless halfwits who admire his complete disregard for his own well-being, but what really scares him is the disappointed glare of his mother.

“I would be so grounded if she found out,” he said.

His mother, a part-time hairdresser named Doreen, has been puzzled lately by the number of scrapes on her son’s body — particularly the criss-cross patchwork of scars on his forehead, just under the hairline.

McCreary has tried to explain his injuries as “splatter from the deep fryer,” but his mother is skeptical. Oddly, she hasn’t been able to shave her legs in months because her razor blades keep disappearing.