World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced today that Crown Jewel, its scheduled event in Saudi Arabia, has been “indefinitely postponed” after every sports-entertainer on the company’s payroll was blown to smithereens in a yet-to-be-explained limousine explosion.
“It was the strangest thing,” said one backstage witness, who asked to be identified only as Paul L. “Every member of Raw, Smackdown and NXT walked slowly out of the arena, paused a moment at the door of the limo, then piled in like clowns filling a polka-dot VW Beetle. Then, blammo — the thing blew up.”
A spokesperson for the company said, due to the “unfortunate vaporization” of the whole roster, WWE would have to regrettably cancel the event in Jeddah scheduled for Nov. 2.
Some sports-entertainment pundits, however, are skeptical about the official explanation, suggesting instead that WWE staged the limo explosion as an easy way to weasel out of the event amid mounting international pressure to cut ties with the Saudi government.
“The whole roster will just appear on TV the following week as if nothing ever happened,” said veteran sports-entertainmentologist Dan Mutzler. “They’ve pulled this stunt before.”
Still, WWE Hall of Famer and US President Donald Trump said his “thoughts and prayers are with the people affected by this horrible tragedy,” and vowed to track down and prosecute the transgender immigrant who obviously committed the crime.