Creepy clown
One of many “creepy clown” sightings that has been confirmed to be a Doink seeking an indy wrestling show.

The rash of so-called “creepy clown” sightings worldwide has led many to suspect Satanism or a macabre paranormal phenomenon, but a new study reveals every sighting can be attributed to an out-of-work Doink looking for a local wrestling event.

Reports of clowns wielding machetes and meat cleavers seem to be drastically exaggerated accounts of Doinks carrying bicycle horns, squirting daisies and, in rare cases, steel chairs.

The grisly craze seemed to have taken an even more sinister turn last week when residents of Tampa and Truth or Consequences reported seeing “tiny creepy clowns,” which have since been verified as unemployed Dinks.

Although the wrestler who originally portrayed Doink, Matt Borne, died three years ago, the character spawned countless imitators in cities that have both an independent wrestling promotion and a costume shop.

Wrestling scholars believe as many as 700 imitation Doinks have portrayed the character, nearly all of whom are currently hoping Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling gets desperate enough to hire them.