New day rocks
Todd McGovern (far left) dares to be sour in the face of sweetness.

Refusing to be swayed by populist groupthink, nonconformist wrestling fan Todd McGovern has asserted his individuality by daring to be sour.

At a recent World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) live event in his hometown of Tallahassee, McGovern neither clapped his hands nor felt the powah.

“I just find The New Day puerile and annoying,” said the brave contrarian, raising the ire of fans within earshot. “I mean, unicorn horns? Seriously?”

There was a time, not long ago, when McGovern’s negative view of tag-trio The New Day was commonplace — it was generally agreed upon that New Day “sucks” — but is now the black sheep among a loyal flock who unanimously find the word “booty” hilarious.

While McGovern concedes “the trombone schtick is pretty good,” he finds himself “deeply unsettled” by the repeated sensuous gyration of Big E’s womanly hips.