WWE contract
A recent contract signing shocked wrestling fans by unfolding in an orderly manner.

The professional wrestling world was shocked when an in-ring contract signing unfolded in an officious and respectful manner, utterly failing to devolve into a brouhaha.

Fans at Madison Square Garden couldn’t believe their eyes when two wrestlers sat down at opposite sides of a table and took turns thoroughly reading and signing a nine-page contract legally binding them to an upcoming match, with neither man flipping over the table in a fit of rage.

Viewers worldwide were aghast when neither man crumpled the contract — a standard legal document outlining match specifics such as time limit, special stipulations, financial remuneration and so on — nor shoved it down the throat of his opponent-to-be.

The contract was instead placed in a manila envelope and handed to WWE lawyer Frank Mankowicz, who later remarked that “both parties reached a mutually satisfactory arrangement for the upcoming match.”

WWE security guards saw no reason to dash to the ring, since fisticuffs had failed to erupt, while members of the ring crew stood idle with no splintered pieces of wooden table to sweep out of the ring.

“I cannot believe what we’re seeing here!” hollered an incredulous Jerry Lawler. “Business has not just picked up!”