Amid international pressure to address the wildfires decimating the South American rainforest, WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump announced this morning that he would immediately dispatch firefighters to the Glamazon.
Semi-retired sports-entertainer Beth Phoenix was understandably surprised when 500,000 gallons of water were dumped by tanker planes onto her North Carolina home today.
Firefighters who arrived at the scene told soaking-wet Phoenix that they were merely “following a presidential order.”
According to sources close to the president, Trump misunderstood Fox News’ reporting about wildfires in the Amazon, and became concerned that a fellow blond WWE Hall of Famer was in peril.
Trump has blamed numerous people and organizations for the misunderstanding — CNN, the “dems,” Gene Snitsky, the “squad,” Rosie O’Donnell, Mexico — but all, especially Snitsky, have denied fault.
Phoenix’s husband, Edge, was reportedly furious about the mix-up, shouting at firefighters that there was no smoke indicating any fire in the area: “On this day,” he hollered, “I see clearly!”