Sources close to popular professional wrestler CM Punk, who has been mysteriously absent from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) programming for weeks, confirm that Punk is currently blah blah blah blah blah.
Anonymous sources backstage at WWE have leaked information that Punk is frustrated about something or other, angrily stormed out of somewhere, and is demanding yadda yadda yadda.
“Punk is totally, like, you know, something,” confirmed some know-nothing nobody pretending to have exclusive information on Punk’s whereabouts and state of mind.
“His future with WWE is blah blah blah, etcetera, and so forth.”
WWE Chairman Vince McMahon is reportedly “furious” about various things and stuff, and called an emergency backstage meeting to discuss whatever it is that a corporate billionaire discusses with shirtless, greased-up musclemen in spandex.
It is believed that Punk is spending his time away from the spotlight with some gorgeous female wrestler or another, because, well, wouldn’t you?