CM Punk
CM Punk has vowed to choose his words more wisely in airport security lines.

Following a seven-hour interrogation by security guards at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, CM Punk admitted he “probably shouldn’t have mentioned pipe bombs” in the security line.

“I explained that I was referring metaphorically to microphones, which become rhetorical pipe bombs when I deliver one of my trademark diatribes,” Punk said. “But the security officers thought I was making some sort of terrorist threat or something. Whoops.”

Punk’s plight was worsened when he sat cross-legged in the middle of the interrogation room and mentioned “the cult of personality,” which led security guards to believe he was the leader of a fringe religious sect.

While attempting to explain that he is a professional wrestler, Punk mentioned his signature maneuver, the Go To Sleep, which the security officials misconstrued as the codename for a mass cult suicide.

Punk was eventually freed from custody after he played his captors a YouTube video of his 2004 match against Samoa Joe, which reportedly elicited a “This is awe-some, clap-clap-clapclapclap” chant from the security squad.