Punk straight edge
CM Punk lives by according to a straight-edge lifestyle, abstaining from drugs, alcohol and humility.

Professional wrestler CM Punk is being lauded as a positive role model who encourages young people to live without drugs, alcohol or even a shred of humility.

“Mr. Punk proves to youth that it’s OK to say no to drugs, and to be totally smug about it,” said Denise Parker, director of the Youth Esteem Alliance, which honored Punk with its Role Model of the Year Award.

“Young people need a role model with a smarmy sense of moral superiority.”

Punk is an avowed proponent of the Straight-Edge lifestyle, which requires abstinence from mood-altering chemicals, aside from the natural endorphins released in the brain by those with a megalomaniacal god complex.

While most wrestling fans agree that Punk is quite possibly the best wrestler in the world, as he often insists, most also agree that he’d probably be even cooler if he mellowed out with a puff of weed every once in a while.