Christian WWE
The newly promoted Colonel Charisma delivers a formal salute to his fellow servicemen.

After many years of dedicated service to his profession, wrestler Christian has ascended in rank to Colonel Charisma.

“In recognition to your exemplary and charismatic work as captain, WWE hereby awards you the rank of charismatic colonel,” WWE chairman Vince McMahon said during an official swearing-in ceremony yesterday in Stamford, CT.

As part of the ceremony, Christian vowed to perform his duties with more charisma than ever, such as wearing more glittery jackets, delivering more inflammatory promos, and ideally winning a few more matches.

It wasn’t all good news at yesterday’s ceremony. As punishment for his less-than-stellar matches in recent years, Sgt. Slaughter was demoted to Private Slaughter.

Behind closed doors, Corporal Kirschner was stripped of his rank entirely with a dishonorable discharge.