wrestling jesus
Hunter Hearst Helmsley faces a tough legal battle over copyright infringement with Jesus H. Christ (coincidentally, the “H” stands for Hearst).

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, a top executive at World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), has been slapped with a gimmick infringement lawsuit this week by Jesus Christ, who claims sole ownership of the “King of Kings” trademark.

Christ, revered by worshippers worldwide as the son of God, filed preliminary lawsuit papers at the Connecticut Superior Court this morning claiming that Helmsley has “knowingly plagiarized a copyrighted Holy trademark.”

In a prepared statement to reporters, Christ said: “I was King of Kings 2,000 years before that guy was even Terra Ryzing. I also invented the beard-and-long-hair look, which Helmsley ripped off for years.”

A humble carpenter and healer by trade, Christ insists that he deserves “substantial” monetary compensation and at least one WWE Championship reign. He has also filed a “cease and desist” order demanding that Helmsley “stop playing God” on WWE television, though few legal scholars expect that will ever happen.

Helmsley has not publicly responded to the lawsuit, though he has reportedly assigned WWE’s most high-powered lawyer, David Otunga, to seek a quiet out-of-court settlement.

According to one backstage source, Christ has been angry at WWE ever since his father and Shawn Michaels lost a tag-team match to the McMahons.