With his weekly challenges to The Undertaker unanswered, professional wrestler John Cena will make good on his promise to experience WrestleMania “as a fan” by getting obnoxiously drunk, chanting cliches, and blocking the view of people behind him with poorly composed signs.

Cena has already purchased several beach balls, which he plans to inflate and unleash during the main event, in hopes of distracting other fans from the in-ring action.

Although his seat is in the upper deck of the Superdome, well out of range of TV cameras, Cena has created several signs to hold over his head for the duration of WrestleMania, including:

• IF ROMAN WINS WE ROIT (sic)
• MARRY ME ALEXA
• THE GUY BEHIND ME CANT (sic) SEE
• TAKER SCREWED CENA

Cena plans to shout “WHAT?!” every time a performer pauses between sentences during a promo, and intends to holler “TWOOO” every time a referee completes a two count. “That’ll be hilarious,” he says.

To complete his WrestleMania experience “as a fan,” Cena plans to end the night by tumbling into a puddle of his own vomit on Bourbon Street.