Professional sports entertainer-turned-thespian John Cena has spent more than a decade trying to join Hollywood’s A-List, and he has finally broken into the upper echelon of tinseltown by undergoing a humiliating naked ritual at the recent Academy Awards, thus gaining entry to the Satanic Cabal.

Cena was forced onstage nude, to be laughed at and mocked by Hollywood’s glitterati, in his own attempt to become one of the demonic forces who remain forever young by feasting on the adrenalized juices of pureed babies.

Cena’s entry into the Satanic Cabal was granted thanks to his tireless volunteering for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which gives Hollywood’s evil empire a whole new avenue for finding vulnerable children on which to dine.

One Hollywood pundit said that Cena could quickly rise the ranks of Hollywood’s Satanic World Order, joining such well-known Satanic High Priests as Whoopi Goldberg, Tom Hanks, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.”

Congratulations, John!