Linda McMahon Donald Trump

After weeks in an apparent vegetative state, Linda McMahon — the sports-entertainment matriarch appointed to lead the U.S. Small Business Administration — suddenly awoke to deliver a swift kick to the President’s groin.

During McMahon’s confirmation hearing, attended by daughter Stephanie and son-in-law Hunter Hearst Helmsley, McMahon sat quietly staring in the middle-distance while being questioned by peers.

Furious over McMahon’s insubordination, President Trump burst into the hearing room with a metal garbage can held over his head, threatening to clobber Stephanie with it.

The elder McMahon then slowly rose from her chair, slowly walked to the president, and swung her right foot straight into the Trump family jewels.

“Bah gawd,” hollered New Jersey Senator Cory Booker. “Will somebody please stop the damn confirmation hearing?!”

Trump was hospitalized after the incident, and doctors confirmed that he had a “bruised genetic jackhammer.”

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