eva marie wwe
The “face of WWE” has left the company, throwing sports entertainment into disarray.

World Wrestling Entertainment is facing plummeting stock prices an uncertain future after the “face of WWE,” Eva Marie, announced her departure from the company. 

As Hulk Hogan was to professional wrestling in the 1980s, and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was in the so-called Attitude Era of the 1990s, Eva Marie has defined the genre with her in-ring prowess and her infectious charisma. 

“Eva Marie and WWE have contractually parted ways,” reads a press release issued by the company this morning. “We wish her the best on her future endeavours, which we hope will include a return to WWE, because we are screwed without her.”

During her four-year tenure in WWE, Eva Marie (real name Gladys Grubowski) became synonymous with ratings, thanks partly to her popular catch-phrases, such as “If you can smell what Eva is baking,” and “Eva 3:15 says it’s quarter-past three.”

Since the announcement of Eva Marie’s departure, shareholders have abandoned WWE stock, several major advertisers have cancelled their projects and, according to backstage rumors, WrestleMania may be cancelled.