Sports-entertainment mogul Vince McMahon announced during a press conference this morning that he is “stepping away” from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) to focus on his new professional hockey league, the XHL. 

“Quite frankly, forget everything think you know about hockey,” said McMahon, “and things of that nature.”

McMahon unveiled the XHL’s new logo and slogan — “Get the Puck Out” — and outlined some of the major changes to the traditional game that McMahon says will “put smiles on faces” of hockey fans: 

• Players will wear only helmets, skates, skimpy spandex and baby oil. 
• Each quarter of play will be just five minutes long, but there will be five quarters, played over three halves. 
• Players are not sent to the penalty box for fighting. They are sent there for not fighting. 
• Unprotected stickshots to the head are discouraged, unless it looks really good on camera

Some pundits question whether McMahon should be launching another sporting organization, given the failings of his previous forays into other sports like football (XFL), bodybuilding (WBF), cricket (XCF), and speed-walking (XSWL).

According to a press release, XHL Commissioner The Goon has deemed that the league’s upcoming inaugural pay-per-view, June’s Rink Wars, will feature a “Goals Count Anywhere” match between the XHL’s top two teams, The Tampa Bay Grapefruits versus the Orlando Jackhammers.