Fans of sports entertainment around the world are waiting with bated breath to determine if a 49-year-old Chief Operating Officer and father of three can strip down to spandex trunks to successfully tussle with a tall 53-year-old guy dressed like a mortician.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley — heir to the McMahon empire because he kidnapped, drugged, and married the unconscious daughter of WWE honcho Vince McMahon — will slather his leathery skin in baby oil to tussle with The Undertaker, who will apply eyeliner and leather pants for the occasion.
Rather than buy convertible Corvettes and take up golf, both men will address their waning mid-life crises by play-fighting in front of thousands of hooting Australians who paid large sums of money to witness a showdown that already happened seven years ago.
“I hope the big zombie-lookin’ bloke gives that ponce Helmsley a proper wollybobbling,” said Australian fan Pete Stilsbury.
Vegas betting odds say the winner of the match will likely be the fans who sleep in and then watch The Undertaker vs. Triple H at WrestleMania at WrestleMania 28 instead.