WWE be a star
Sheamus, a notorious bully, tells children not to be bullies.

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has launched a new series of anti-bullying public service announcements aimed at teaching young people that “bullies never win,” despite the fact that WWE’s most aggressive bullies tend to win quite often.

“Bullying is never acceptable,” says John Cena in one of the 30-second vignettes, conveniently ignoring the recent occasion on which Cena strong-armed a physically inferior Paul Heyman and locked him in a backstage dressing room.

In another vignette, WWE legend Steve Austin, who attained meteoric popularity by verbally and physically abusing anyone who crossed his path, insists: “Nobody likes a bully.”

The sports-entertainment company has produced five new vignettes in which other superstars insist that “violence is never a solution,” in stark contradiction to the fact that professional wrestling is entirely based on the premise that violence is the only solution.

In related news, a number of unnaturally bosomed WWE Divas have recently voiced support for the Susan G. Komen Foundation’s breast cancer awareness foundation, despite the mounting evidence linking breast cancer and silicone implants.