new daniel bryan
Daniel Bryan reveals his championship belt, which he can only take to 10 states and anywhere in Canada.

Professional sports entertainer Daniel Bryan (real name Dan Bryanson) has upped the ante in his militant environmentalism by discarding his previous championship belt — which he realized contained wood from a non-sustainable lumber source — and replacing it with one made of ethically sourced marijuana.

“This belt is completely organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free and handmade by a fair-trade commune of indigenous vegan artisans,” Bryan said.

“It is so environmentally friendly, it actually absorbs CO2 from the atmosphere and converts via photosynthesis into oxygen and renewable energy.”

Although Bryan’s concern for the environment is laudable, many fans believe his eco-evangelism is too brash, like the time he replaced all the aerosol cans of spray-tanner in the WWE locker room with a burlap sack of cocoa powder, which he insisted would achieve the same effect.

After unveiling the new belt, Bryan was immediately challenged to a championship match by an unexpected foe: Rob Van Dam.

 

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