Brock Lesnar (right) guarantees he’ll extend his losing streak to 0-2.

This Sunday at WWE WrestleMania, former UFC champion and evolutionary throwback Brock Lesnar hopes to add another loss to his ever-growing WrestleMania losing “streak.”

Lesnar, a hairless albino gorilla who has a phallus tattooed on his chest for unknown reasons, intends to extend his streak of consecutive WrestleMania losses to 0-2.

“Brock lose,” Lesnar said at a press conference, where he was lured with the promise of bananas. “Brock not win!”

Lesnar then shrieked like an injured eagle, flipped over a nearby Toyota Camry, and then climbed to the top of a tall building, from which he hurled feces at passersby.

Lesnar’s streak began last year at WrestleMania 29, when he lost to Triple-H after suffering a Pedigree (double-underhook facebuster) on a set of steel steps.

Lesnar is unsure as to whether he wants to extend the streak even further at next year’s WrestleMania 31, because he doesn’t remember what number comes after two.


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